請問這樣翻還有何缺點 - 翻譯

因為將來想將翻譯當兼職工作,所以最近都在做練習
不曉得我的翻譯,文字等還有何要改進的,請指教 謝謝

以下是一篇英翻中
不知道這樣的翻譯水平還夠嗎
不過這篇還蠻簡單的 謝



翻譯 Louise Westling "Thoreau's Ambivalence toward mother Nature" 其中一段


It is no wonder that when Thoreau describes his most peaceful and intimate
moments of communion with Walden Pond, he is really abstracted from it, as
in the emblematic description of fishing in the pond at night. From the
outset his purpose is predatory. Separated from the pond by his boat, he
only communicates with its life 'by a long flaxen line'. Though it may appear
that he gives himself over to the forces of Nature by allowing his boat to
drift to and fro in the darkness, this movement is circumscribed because the
boat is anchored. Not only is Thoreau physically separated from the body of
the pond, but he is also abstracted from the life of his own body. He
describes his thoughts transcending his physical being and wandering 'to vast
cosmogonal themes in other spheres'(175) and needs the jerk of the captured
fish, struggling vainly to escape death at his hands, to link him up to
Nature again.

難怪梭羅會認為與華爾騰湖的親密交流是他這輩子最為安寧舒適的時候,且將描繪它成文.
比如他的文章中有關晚上他在湖裡釣魚的敘述,就是一個典型的描寫,描繪了他確實從華爾
騰湖萃取出一些思想.一開始他來華爾騰湖是打算掠奪,以捕食其他動物為生.他坐在他的
船上與華爾騰湖有所區隔,他只"靠著一條長長的麻繩"就與湖的生命有所交流.雖然藉由讓
他的船在晚間來回的漂盪,他讓自己看來好像支配著大自然的力量,但這種活動其實有所限
制,因為船被錨所固定住.梭羅不只是身體上與湖體有所區隔,他也從他自身的生命中萃取
出一些思想.他描寫他的思想如何從肉體的存在超脫而出,而後"倘徉在其他的星球及廣闊
浩瀚的宇宙進化主題之上",需要被釣住的魚將他猛然拉回,而他手上那些魚徒勞的使勁掙
扎不想死想逃脫的動作,再度將他與大自然連結在一起.



--


http://www.wretch.cc/blog/ponder


--